guilt and flexible working hours

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Wouter Groeneveld 2022-10-06 21:02:36 +02:00
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---
title: Guilt And Flexible Working Hours
date: 2022-10-06T20:18:00+02:00
categories:
- briandump
tags:
- jobs
- academia
---
This may sound silly to some, but lately, I've been feeling a bit guilty. Guilty because I've not been a good lad and crunched those hours as well as I could have, according to the imposed numbers on my contract.
My current job allows for a _very_ high degree of freedom. Anything that does not involve teaching---which is dictated by the academic calendar---is free for me to plan however I see fit. That does sound _great_, doesn't it? It is! Or is it? Wait, is it? Now I'm confused.
My previous jobs as a software developer (consultant) allowed for very little freedom. Teamwork and pair programming involves being there at the agreed upon hour and working (at least) eight hours. Your lunch break is exactly half an hour. That's thirty minutes, and not thirty-one. Peer pressure will make sure you won't spent that extra minute in sight. Perhaps a toilet break of 10 minutes with the smartphone is an escape, although I'd call being chained to your phone far from being free.
For 11 years, I've been doing exactly that. Needless to say, the work rhythm was/is pretty much burnt-in: it was usual to end your break at 13h: everybody did. When working on location for some clients, this put even more to the extreme, with badging introduced. We were the external consultants and the client company wasn't going to pay any extra minute of us loitering around. At the same time, their employees were waiting by the escalator every Friday at 15h55, badge at the ready. Five minutes later, a ritual mass-badging event took place (no occult candles burned though), and everyone hurried to catch their train home. Weird? Nobody there seemed to think so.
Now imagine making the switch from industry to academia. Suddenly, these things completely disappear:
1. Colleagues; and therefore
2. Peer pressure.
3. A rhythm; and therefore
4. Expectations concerning the rhythm.
My current boss, my co-supervisor that co-teaches courses with me, has a lot on his mind and is used to this absence of structure: that way of working is exactly _his_ burnt-in rhythm. He thankfully detests constantly checking up on me to make sure I'm still dutifully behind my desk typing away. Because that's exactly what managers and the industry rhythm does to you. In case you don't believe me, read [Bullshit Jobs](/post/2020/12/thoughts-on-bullshit-jobs/) by David Graeber or check out some Dilbert comics.
I am not someone who likes doing nothing. I detest doing nothing. Especially during working hours. So I plod on. Wait, working hours? I don't have any anymore! Well, technically, I still do, according to the contract, but the rhythm in academia compared to the one burnt-in is night and day. I think one of the reasons why I have so many papers published (and 2 books written within the same period) is me being used to the arguably higher work rhythm of industry.
Even though the expectations and the peer pressure is gone, it's actually not: I'm peer-pressuring myself. And now we're getting to the bottom of this: some days, like yesterday, I didn't feel like doing anything. So I didn't. And after two hours, I felt really, _really_ bad, because a little voice inside my head said I was supposed to do something. So I did. But the quality of the work was below what I'd call acceptable.
I discovered that I feel guilty if I don't dutifully "do something productive" when "the clock is on"---while that clock was trashed when I made the jump to academia.
What makes this even more laughable? With my research, creativity in context of programming, I discovered that the industry clock is detrimental to spontaneous creativity. You _need_ time off to tinker, think, play, walk, and do something entirely different. These moments allow for free thinking (or no thinking at all!) and inspiration to (1) appear and (2) get caught.
The Oliver Twins that created the famous Dizzy series on the ZX Spectrum, for example, regularly encountered roadblocks. When out of ideas, they deliberately took breaks by watching television shows, playing other games, experimenting in their sprite editor, and reading classic fables and tales. Count Duckula, Zork, Philosophers Quest, Jack And The Beanstalk, and Gauntlet all influenced various Dizzy games.
All these things are _very_ hard to pull off with that manager eyeing on you or with ridiculous badge rules and a bureaucratic billing system---it just doesn't allow for those moments of reflection. Can you imagine asking your boss if it would be okay to watch a few YouTube videos to get inspired to fix that urgent production issue? Right. In academia, sometimes you chase a lead with potential for a few weeks that turns out to be a dead end. You then shrug, retrace your steps, and try something else. In short: working hours don't "work".
And yet, here I am, feeling guilty if I take a moment of reflection or work less hours than prescribed.
The irony.

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![](../lowstreet.jpg "Mêlée Island's Low Street re-imagined in Return To Monkey Island. The tower clock is still broken! The game plays all its nostalgia cards exceptionally well.")
To properly enjoy _Return To Monkey Island_, you need to have played at least the first two games, _The Secret of Monkey Island_ and _LeChuck's Revenge_. In anticipation of the release, we replayed those for the 4th or so time. The jokes, the atmosphere, the puzzles, ...---more than 30 years later, they still get to us. What a classic. No wonder [I have two posters of Steve Purcell's artwork](/post/2021/02/my-retro-desktop-setup/) put up at my desk.
To properly enjoy _Return To Monkey Island_, you need to have played at least the first two games, _The Secret of Monkey Island_ and _LeChuck's Revenge_. In anticipation of the release, we replayed those for the 4th or so time. The jokes, the atmosphere, the puzzles, ...---more than 30 years later, they still get to us. What a classic. No wonder [I have two posters of Steve Purcell's artwork](/post/2021/02/my-retro-desktop-setup/) put up in my home office.
As an aside, Google announced it will be [shutting down Stadia in January](https://www.eurogamer.net/stadia-is-shutting-down-in-january), its game streaming service. And yet, they can't resist putting out dumb statements like this:
> We see clear opportunities to apply this technology across other parts of Google [...] - as well as make it available to our industry partners, which aligns with where we see the future of gaming headed.
Yeah right, the future of gaming: streaming (lending) stuff off a giant that decides whether or not you get a frame. I'll pass. That reminds me, I bought a few new old Game Boy carts I need to try out!
Yeah right, the future of gaming: streaming (lending) stuff off a giant that decides whether or not you get a frame. I'll pass. That reminds me, I bought a few new old Game Boy carts I still need to try out!
### Selected (blog) posts

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<hr/>
<div id="testmeta">
<p>This test is also a part of the book <a href="/post/2022/09/the-creative-programmer-early-access-release/">The Creative Programmer</a>.
<p>
Here are a few statements that may or may not be applicable, <em>in context of your project</em>. There are no right or wrong answers, so please just answer honestly. In the end, you'll receive an overview of all CPPST attributes.
</p>
@ -165,6 +166,13 @@ h3 {
<a href="https://arxiv.org/pdf/2203.13565.pdf"/>Self-Assessing Creative Problem Solving for Aspiring Software Developers: A Pilot Study</a>.<br/>
The seven attributes are identified in the paper <a href="https://people.cs.kuleuven.be/~wouter.groeneveld/creafocus/">Exploring the Role of Creativity in Software Engineering</a>.
</p>
<p>
This test is also a part of the book <a href="/post/2022/09/the-creative-programmer-early-access-release/">The Creative Programmer</a>. Be sure to check out a summary and a free sneak-preview inside!
<a href="/post/2022/09/the-creative-programmer-early-access-release/">
<img src="/post/2022/09/meap.jpg" style="width: 400px;" loading="lazy" title="The Creative Programmer cover" />
</a>
</p>
<hr/>
<br/>
</div>